28 Questions Later…
(Don’t worry, no zombies - just a thirst for connection.)
I consider myself good at dating. Bold to admit, perhaps misguided (previous lovers, do not consider this your chance to submit feedback*), but over the past few years as a companion I’ve learnt a thing or two about relationships. Which is to say: I’ve learnt a lot about connection, honesty and exploration.
Few things bring me greater joy than the animated back and forth as a date and I plan The Where, The What and occasionally, The Who Else. There’s always that moment where my date waits patiently as I reel off my extensive list of places I’m desperate to flirt in – from Michelin Stars to European café-slash-winebars in a yet-to-be-decided city. A city where, perhaps, I wear that dress you really like?
Thoughtful restaurant choices, considered outfits and excitable planning together are all part of the fun. After all, attention to detail is what turns a good date into a perfect date.
But behind that polish is a person: complex, curious, full of contradictions and cravings of her own. So whether you’re a seasoned suitor or quietly curious, consider this your unofficial guide – the inside scoop to dating, me. Things I might tell you if we were sipping something strong together, curled up in a low-lit booth somewhere.
I’ve borrowed a little inspiration from Vogue’s 73 Questions (a magazine I haven’t properly read since my early twenties, when I was busy forming fashion tastes well above my pay grade). For this version, I’ve trimmed it down to 28 – a pleasingly round, if arbitrary, number – posed to me by a dear friend. Think of these as the kind of details that might just make our time together that much more intimate. Use them wisely.
1. A small pleasure that makes your day better?
Do I have to name just one? The day-to-day should be peppered with pleasures big and small! On rare mornings I’m up at dawn, a fiery sunrise. Fresh bedding. A morning walk, coffee in hand, face to sky. Time must always be made for a little treat, whether that’s a handful of chocolate buttons, or some alone time in aforementioned fresh bedding (I am my own boss after all).
2. Something you’re always in the mood for?
Bread. Fuck, I love bread! I am decidedly not gluten-free. I recently enjoyed poring over this article on where to eat the world’s best bread. I’ve tasted Oma’s – the article is right, their bread is divine – and would gladly eat my way through the rest of this list with the right companion (bread aficionado or not)
3. A scent you can't get enough of?
Obviously, freshly baked bread is a key contender. Beyond the bakery, the heady scent of orange blossom in Marrakesh – an intoxicating city I explored recently– was unforgettable. And perhaps most unforgettable of all: that barely-there, inarticulable scent in the nape of a lover’s neck. I’d say bottle it, but it’s best straight from the source.
4. Best compliment you’ve ever received?
At the risk of sounding a little smug (but honestly, why not?), it’s hard to pick just one. But the compliment that always lands deepest with me is when someone says they feel seen by me. That kind of intimacy — attentive, intuitive, real — is what I strive to create with every person I meet. It’s an art I’ve been told I’ve mastered. That, and excellent taste in literature, theatre and culture. Which, frankly, feels just as affirming.
5. Lights on or lights off?
Big light supremacy is something I fight against daily. Never the big light! If it’s on, the clothes stay on too – consider it a boundary. I’m a firm (some might say fanatical) advocate for mood lighting. Setting the right ambience is vital, and I’ve even been known to carry pocket-sized lighting in my bag for this exact purpose. Lights off can be fun if we’re intentionally heightening other senses…but generally, I want to see the good bits. Including yours.
5. Three words to describe your perfect date?
Already planning another?
7. Silk or lace?
I adore both, but silk reigns supreme. Looks good, moves with the light, feels amazing to wear and even better to slip off.
8. One thing that makes you feel sexy?
When a lover fixes the clasp on my necklace, I go weak at the knees! It’s such a simple gesture that feels deeply personal, attentive and tender. It allows someone to see a part of you that you rarely see yourself, treading the line between vulnerability and charged eroticism. Let it linger.
9. Ideal way to spend a rainy afternoon?
Big sofa, bigger duvet, steaming hot tea, 90s movies, wandering hands. Even better if it’s raining outside. The neologism chrysalism perfectly encapsulates the tenderness of this feeling. I’ve currently got my eye on Manshausen’s incredibly beautiful cabins, which look like the perfect spots to forget everything but each other.
10. A relationship lesson you’ve learned?
That the best connections aren’t found, they’re built. Slowly, intentionally, with curiosity and care. I’ve learned that real intimacy requires honesty, a good sense of humour, and a willingness to meet each other in the middle – whether that’s over dinner, in a tough conversation, or under the covers. There’s no one-size-fits-all formula; the joy is in curating something that’s just ours.
11. The first thing you notice about someone?
Your smile. Crows feet? Big fan.
12. Favourite time of day?
As much as I have tried, I’m not exactly a morning person. But whenever I catch an early-morning flight to a new adventure, there’s something quietly magical about the very early hours – when the mist still clings to the air, the city lies in half-darkness, and everything feels quietly charged. The streets are largely empty, but if you’re lucky you might glimpse a pair of lovers at the end of their night stealing a kiss in a dimly lit doorway. Then there’s early evening, when mischief is in the air and anything feels possible.
13. Favourite kind of mischief?
Any kind that involves a cackle of women (yes, I’m officially patenting that collective noun) – mischief shared between Friends, with great stories and even better wine. And with a lover? Well, it’s exactly what you think it is.
14. A question you wish people would ask before meeting you?
‘Do you have a wishlist?’ (Spoiler alert: I do)
15. A memorable gesture from a lover?
There’s nothing I adore more than hearing, ‘I read this and thought you’d like it’. It shows you’re not only on their mind, but also that they’re thinking of you in a different context; finding new ways to read you, to see you.
16. Dream hotel room set-up?
One with you in it?
17. Where are you dreaming of escaping to next?
The Caribbean has been calling to me lately – warm sea breezes, water so clear it feels like a trick, fruit sticky on my fingertips. Waking slowly in white sheets, languorous swims, and days unspooling lazily with salt in my hair and skin kissed by the sun…have I sold you on it yet?
18. A book that changed your perspective?
Not a book, but the essay Why I Write by Joan Didion has always stayed with me. I read it during a particularly busy period during my Master’s, when I also was writing a lot (unfortunately, not quite as well as Joan). I had, up until that point, thought of writing as a means to describe what we saw and how we saw it. Whilst this is still true, Joan’s positioning of writing as a way to make meaning in the world struck me: “I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”
This idea that we can use action to find meaning, both within ourselves and others, had a profound impact on me. Discover by doing is a tenet I live by. Of course, one could also use the phrase, fuck around and find out.
19. Tea or coffee?
It depends. Tea and coffee are creatures of the clock! Tea is an afternoon treat, frequently accompanied by something sweet. No offense to you Americans, but I’ll happily include tea-making lessons in our date. Coffee is the morning ritual, a ceremony…I was a barista in a past life, and still do a mean latte art. I don’t have a coffee machine at home yet, but I’m eyeing up this one.
20. Go-to comfort meal?
Comfort is both contextual and cultural, isn’t it? Once upon a time, it was a big bowl of pasta, drowning in butter and parmesan and obscene amounts of cracked black pepper — and don’t get me wrong, that still has its place. But lately, my idea of comfort has evolved.
Now, it’s pho. A bowl of hot, fragrant broth layered with lemongrass, chilli, ginger, that feels like it could heal all wounds. Healing, nourishing. Anthony Bourdain once said: “Good food is very often, even most often, simple food.” Pho captures that perfectly. A slow-simmered, slurpable hug in a bowl.
21. A guilty pleasure?
No pleasure of mine is guilty (unless we want it to be).
22. A song that always gets you moving?
Isley Brothers - Love The One You’re With
I have very fond memories of dancing around a uni flatshare kitchen, singing this with my friend on repeat. There was then an enforced 1-week ban on the song by our patient but fed up housemates.
Toots & The Maytals - Pressure Drop
From one of my favourite movies Blue Valentine, which is deeply romantic and unromantic in equal measure. It also firmly solidified Ryan Gosling as unrivalled #1 hunk of my life for the years 2010 - 2014.
Kylie Minogue - Get Outta My Way
Pop queen extraordinaire will forever have a place in my heart. She does appear to be touring this year too… tempted?
23. The hardest you’ve ever laughed?
While being mischievous with those cackles of women (privacy reasons prevent me from disclosing the origin of the joke).
24. Something you wish more people understood about your work?
That just because we meet under carefully crafted circumstances, that doesn’t mean what unfolds between us isn’t genuine. This work, at its best, isn’t about pretending. It’s about finding real connection, curiosity and intimacy; creating a space where both of us can be a little more ourselves in the nature that we have agreed upon.
25.Tipple of choice?
Champagne is of course always a winner – especially a smaller grower’s bottle, delicate and full of character like this Blanc de Blancs that I recently enjoyed with my friends Elle Voss and Lila Dalton. When the evening calls for something a little stronger, a classic Negroni or a smooth Manhattan hits the spot.
I’m also on a bit of a wine education journey of late; I recently enjoyed a deep dive on Brunello di Montalcino hosted by Mark Pardoe MW in London with a fantastic date of mine. I’m always eager to learn more about wine, so let me know if you’d like to wet our whistles together. Or for those invested in my palette, further my education?
26. Something that feels like home?
The London eccentricities. A very enthusiastic but out-of-tune busker. Being one prosecco too deep in a sun-drenched pub garden. Getting shoulder-barged on the tube. That strange combination of chaos and charm this city offers.
27. A work of art that has always stuck with you?
Frank Bowling’s Raining Down South, because it links back to that feeling of chrysalism. I could get lost in it for hours. Additionally, so many of Alice Neel’s works. I went to her Barbican exhibition twice!
28. What do you hope people remember after meeting you?
How fun, important and meaningful this can all be! That, and that I have fantastic tits.
I hope you enjoyed this little peek behind the curtain. Of course, the best way to get to know me is in person. Shall we?
*Unless of course it’s a caring and joyful reflection of our time together! Call me a dictator, but I’m also a nostalgic!